I Dream Before I Sleep
Every time I lay down to go to sleep it seems like the real me, the natural me, wakes up for a moment.
I say real me because what is present is a more natural feeling state of excitement, curiosity and child-like playfulness. The tiny dreamer that I once was comes back to the forefront of my mind and starts to fantasize about who and what I want to be when I grow up.
It’s as though when the day is done, and I truly have nothing to do and nowhere to go except to lay there, I am free from my usual burdens once again and can daydream for fun.
The waking state me gets much more flustered when things aren’t finished, becomes much more hung up in the details of how I will get somewhere or accomplish something while losing the big picture. The dreaming me that lays down for bed at night knowing the day is done and there are no more things to accomplish is happy where she is, both mentally and physically. She seems to look over the day through a more neutral lense and into the future with an optimistic and unafraid enthusiasm.
I much prefer the me before bed. The me that has no tasks to do, no place to be and nobody to impress. This me is much lighter, much more playful and filled with excitement. This me isn’t preoccupied with what I have vs what I don’t have, what I’ve accomplished vs what I still need to do. This me is being with itself and dreaming about all the possibilities of what she is and what she could be.
The difference is in the feeling of comfort and calmness that is not normally present when I self-reflect about what I have now or want later. When there is still time in the day to take care of tasks and to put myself in motion, I tend to become more stuck in the to-do list than in the experience of becoming and being what I am meant to be in the present moment.
Whenever I daydream, I come up with all of these grand things that I want to do and these images of who I want to be. I’m not full of fear or anything like that, it’s just me thinking and having fun coming up with what character I want to play in the next act.
It has become something that I really look forward to. I like being able to have my quiet time at night to myself to really come to terms with what I want in a positive fun way. I need to remember being in this state in my everyday routine because it’s easier for me to get caught up in what’s happening, or not happening, and to be upset about small things that really have nothing to do with anything or anywhere that I want to be or go.
I think that I need to stay focused on what is actually important. Whenever I lay in bed is one of the times that I fantasize about making all of this art and all this content and a bunch of other exciting things, although that is one of the most suffocated thoughts during the day whenever I’m going about my “important” tasks and everything like that. It’s easy to get bogged down in everyday life, but I think it’s more important that I keep letting go in every moment.
Letting go of my expectations about how and when things should happen often allows me to feel more spacious and free in the moment. These positive vibes are what make it easy to take on tasks related to my goals that will get me to the places I dream of. Going forward I want to make a conscious effort to be more like my dreaming self, excited, open, ambitious, inventive, fun and without expectation.
Do you ever feel this way? Share your experience with me in a comment below.