You Can Be Whoever You Want to Be Right Now
When you’re having a hard time trying to be the person that you want to be because of fear of what people might think or fear that you might look stupid to yourself even, just relax and realize that your personality structure (self-image) is the one who is afraid, not You.
Your personality is constructed from all of the conclusions and assumptions about your previous experiences and the stories that happened in your mind after you had those experiences. These accumulated thoughts and memories tend to invade our minds throughout the present day, especially in uncomfortable situations. But to move forward you have to forgive yourself for giving your power away to these past memories in the present moment.
You must realize that you’re just experiencing a thought and you’re used to putting a lot of emphasis on it, and you’re used to feeling a lot of pressure in your body because of this thought, but it is only a remembrance of something in your past. It is just an accumulation of ideas, stories and feelings from times past. Your thoughts and fears have nothing to do with this moment, who you are in this moment and what you’re capable of in this moment, unless you give them that power.
This Moment is Freedom
This moment gives you the freedom to make any decision you want. The decision can be towards the self that you dream of being, or it can be in the direction that continues your personal tradition of keeping yourself locked in a mental pattern of self-doubt and self -destruction. Regardless of the outcome, what you do in this moment is always a decision.
If you find yourself unable to move forward because you tend to keep yourself small and fearful, based on something that somebody has said or done to you in the past, or something else that has happened to you, you are doing yourself no favors. Only You can decide in this moment, and in the next moment and all of the moments after this one, that you will live your truth no matter what.
You have to have courage. You have to believe that it’s going to be okay. You have to know that the sensations and feelings that you’re going to feel when you finally do this thing that you’ve been so scared of are not actually going to overtake you. You have to believe that the constriction in your body when you take the leap is not going to overtake you, and you have to be okay with not resisting it. On the other hand, you have to be okay with it overtaking you, for that’s the only way you’ll have the courage to see it through, to get to the other side and realize that it was just a bunch of feelings and sensations in the body, nothing more.
What you’ve done up until this point has not allowed you to free yourself from this bondage of thinking the same thoughts over and over. Fucking feel it! Get it over with!
Feelings and sensations can never overtake you, they can only ever overtake who you think you are. They can “take over” the body and mind that you took yourself to be up until this point. They can take the mind that you believe yourself to be and drive you crazy. But now you are evolving into the next version of yourself. The next version will be built on a foundation of love for yourself and understanding of all others who have experienced the same pain.
This is transition. This is growth. This is the journey of becoming our best self. This is becoming what the universe itself is trying to become. This is the universe growing through you. This is reality experiencing itself through you. Anything is possible right now!
Nothing Belongs to You
The tension you feel does not belong to you. It belongs to the person you thought yourself to be, and it cannot overtake you unless you believe it can. In that case you will give up once again to the fear, the tension and fall back into suffering again because you refuse to expand your circle of comfort.
At first it might feel like you’re dying, but just try and be with the feeling. It’s okay. The old parts of you that you no longer have room for must die and fall away before you can fill the space with the new you. The best part is, this old part of you never actually belonged to you. It was something that you just happened to internalize based on a previous mindset or experience you found yourself in, or because someone did something to you. You then decided to make it a part of who you are. But really, if you made the decision to make something a part of you, it can never represent who you truly are because you had to be there in order to pick that piece out and add it to your repertoire.
At some point in your life, you gave your power away to some “other” person or circumstance, but the good news is that we are all one and in reality, you only gave power away to another self (another you) for safekeeping. That other person who hurt you is yourself. They are the same empty awareness that is you at your core. But it never seemed that way until now, until you were able to see reality for what it is.
The universe looks as though it’s made of an infinite number of forms and other beings, separate selves that can hurt you or make you feel scared or disempowered. In reality, every being that you see is another I, another you. This other you has felt separate from everything also and because of this has felt threatened, scared and hurt in the past and maybe that’s why they said that horrible thing to you that upset you so much and made you retract into your own being, feeling small and less than the entire universe that you are. This is the human cycle of pain and nothing else. It is not the reality that you live in.
The reality is that you have been hiding a part of yourself. You started monitoring the way you interact with the world and how much of yourself you were going to show the world. You started policing the experience that you wanted to have with the world so you didn’t have a bad experience like that again instead of just feeling the pain (tension) and being okay with feeling it.
It’s normal, it’s okay and you never really gave your power away because the other person is you. You were teaching yourself that it’s okay to have comments said about you and to have uncomfortable experiences. It’s okay because you are always here in this moment to make a different decision: the decision to feel empowered, in control and free to choose your destiny.
What you want to do, who you want to be and where you want to go has nothing to do with your past, and everything to do with what you can do NOW.
So go on, be whoever you know yourself deep down to be, and don’t let anyone or anything (including yourself) stop you.